I know

Its been a while.

I have signed up for nutrasystem and it should arrive today! I'm super excited about that! I'm one of those people who need to be told what, when and how to eat. Don't give me any leeway...that's how I got here in the first place. :)

I have also been getting up at 4:30 to get to the gym by 5am. This gives me time to get back home and get ready for the day. Then I don't' have to worry about doing it in the evenings.
My work out buddy is really the reason we go so early, she starts work at 7am, in three weeks she will start at 8am like me and we will start going to the 6am classes they have at the gym. so that will be good.

well that's the update. No weight loss as of yet but I'm definitely on track!

Febuary 13th

Went to the gym last night. Made time to go and loved it. I used to hate going to the gym. the thought of it would put me in a bad mood for hours. Then I really started to get into it an then became addicted. Yes addicted. I haven't gone in some time and missed it.

I went for 45 minutes last night and when I came out my legs were wobbly, my heart was pounding and my neck was glistening. I loved it!

I plan on going again tonight....

I even made up a spreadsheet that counts my calories, totals my exercise and tells me how many calories I've got at the end of the day. :) its great!

February 10th

I went to a wedding this weekend, I did the cake so I was stressed which of course made me not eat because I was so nervous. Then after the wedding I was so relieved that it was over and went well I pigged out......again!

I swear I'm not sure what is going on with me. I hate being large. I mean absolutely hate it. No I'm not as big as I once was or could be, but yes I am over...way over weight and I really hate it.

I hate not being able to pick anything off the rack and wearing it. I hate opting not to go swimming because I've seen my legs bare and why would I inflict that sort of torture on others, I hate going to the store or a restaurant and seeing the side way glances and then the eye brow raises because people obviously think I don't eat correctly or eat to much. I hate not being able to go to the gym regularly because I have such a busy schedule that I just can't get there. It sucks and did I mention I hate it...well If I didn't' I do!

Something has got to change. I need to go the gym, I have too. There is just no other way that I can see to get this off of me again. I'm tired and just want to get my energy back and my life back. I know I'll never have the perfect body...not in this lifetime anyway, but what it must be like to go to the doctor and know they aren't going to lecture you for 20 minutes about my weight......

oh, if only, if only.

Look good outfit.

Ever notice how some outfits are totally figure flattering, I mean not just oh thats cute but to the point where you catch your reflection in the mirror or window you stop and think dang who's that hottie....oh its me. and then some days you catch yourself and you wonder why there are little things orbiting your middrift only to figure out they are planets because your so big you have your own gravitational pull.

today is one of those days where I look cute. I have on a flair skirt and a navy blue shirt that I bought because it promised to be flattering. I actually got a couple of comments today from people asking me of I have lost weight. why yes yes I have. I actually have no idea if I have or not but if they are going to think it then I'm ganna agree with them. I mean who in their right mind says um nope still a piggy with a big butt I just happen to hit the outfit lotto today. of course tomorrow when I am back in reality and my magic is gone, my outfit unflattering and my butt protruding to the point of needing is own zip code, they will either think I was lying, they are going crazy or I have magic abilities to make myself skinny but disappear at the stroke of 9pm when the sugar monster appears. Either way I look good today and I'm ganna use it for all its worth. Or I can just wash and wear this outfit everyday....they might think I'm crazy for wearing the same outfit everyday but hey I would look good! ;)

January 26th

so Its been a while. I have been watching what I eat and I have started a new program called crunch less abs...which by the way kicks your butt!!! anyway. I feel I need to do more, I really want to start jogging or go back to the gym. I really can't go back to the gym until Jason has a home job. I feel like I burden my parents to much in watching my daughter. I take some classes and they thankfully watch her so I try not to make them do it any more then they have to. :)

I will say I slipped and ate some really good brownies over the weekend. and when Jason was here we went to dinner and I totally pigged out on pasta. but for the most part I have tried to stay good. I haven't checked the scale. I will do that tomorrow and report on what that nasty little beast says. I know don't kill the messenger....still.

Not so good

Got on the scale this morning and I was up a pound. I had cake this weekend and taco bell yesterday. I didn't eat a lot of those things but they make a difference....which really sucks. I hate it.

I hate how all I do is look at something even remotely yummy and I can feel my butt getting bigger. whatever!!!! I'm so tired of being fat!

My parents have a boflex and I will start using that. Hopefully that will get me going. I also might go on this cookie diet ( I know it sounds crazy - I'll post the website later) with my girlfriend from work. Her sister did it and lost 37 pounds in two months. (not the healthiest weight loss, but I don't care...I'm done!).

January 9th

I had a chance to go to Taco Bell today and instead got a turkey wrap and broccoli salad. Its feels nice to make better choices. Last night my brother and sister got a pizza, I had already eaten my salad and one of my new rules is I cant eat after 8pm to give my body a chance to burn off some of what I put in there before I go into the hibernation (sleep) and my body shuts down. So, not only did I not eat the pizza I kept my rule and didn't snack after 8.

I was a little bummed this morning when I got on the scale and I was up a pound. Course I have been taking up exercising...including weight training. This of course adds muscle and retains water. It will go back down I know but I am one of those people if I don't see results right away I won't do it anymore. But knowing that I have gone down before and can go down again and more gives me the strength and will not to blow it.

it is Friday so we will see how I will do over the weekend. Hopefully I will be down...either way I am glad I can make the better food choices! :)