February 10th

I went to a wedding this weekend, I did the cake so I was stressed which of course made me not eat because I was so nervous. Then after the wedding I was so relieved that it was over and went well I pigged out......again!

I swear I'm not sure what is going on with me. I hate being large. I mean absolutely hate it. No I'm not as big as I once was or could be, but yes I am over...way over weight and I really hate it.

I hate not being able to pick anything off the rack and wearing it. I hate opting not to go swimming because I've seen my legs bare and why would I inflict that sort of torture on others, I hate going to the store or a restaurant and seeing the side way glances and then the eye brow raises because people obviously think I don't eat correctly or eat to much. I hate not being able to go to the gym regularly because I have such a busy schedule that I just can't get there. It sucks and did I mention I hate it...well If I didn't' I do!

Something has got to change. I need to go the gym, I have too. There is just no other way that I can see to get this off of me again. I'm tired and just want to get my energy back and my life back. I know I'll never have the perfect body...not in this lifetime anyway, but what it must be like to go to the doctor and know they aren't going to lecture you for 20 minutes about my weight......

oh, if only, if only.